RECAP: THE LIFE AND TIMES OF A 30-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN: 02/29/04

RECAP: THE LIFE AND TIMES OF A 30-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN: 02/29/04

Post by AB8M » Sat, 06 Mar 2004 08:53:27

DIARY - 02/29/04 by Lloyd Davies

Eight-thirty in the morning is just too early for an eunuch to be up,
especially for a church meeting. I could barely think, but what else
is new? I thought that it might have been because I didn't have my pot
of coffee yet. But, in actuality, I have been displaying symptoms of
attention deficit, inability to retain material and so forth. I'm
losing it. When I finally got home I made a pot of coffee in my broken
Mr. Coffee I got at the flea market. I put my half-and-half in as
usual and took a sip. Whoa Nellie! The creamer was spoiled. That
clunker of a refrigerator the HUD Roach Motel said came with my
apartment must be on the fritz. Needless to say, the coffee tasted
bad. It was the sinister force at play again, toying with the ol'
eunuch! Speaking of eunuch, I don't even know what possessed me last
night to think I needed a babe. Was it the sinister force, you think?
That sinister force is something, isn't it? It is toying with my
sanity and making me think about babes so that I will forget about
becoming a monk. That's the beauty of it all, too. That sinister force
is clever. It knows that a loser like myself only needs to be tempted
by thoughts of babes, so it will never need to tempt me with real
babes. And, yes! This is the same sinister force that G. Gordon Liddy
referred to in the Watergate hearings! I'll probably put a lighter to
my arm pretty soon, too. I have all these splotches on them from
carrying those hot pizza boxes.